I’ve just taken delivery of my first box of organic vegetables.
I’ve just taken delivery of my first box of organic vegetables. Seven twenty-five in the morning – so we can now add healthy early rising to healthy eating. There’s a bag of something green – could be anything – seaweed? Grass clippings? Triffids? Along with two corn things, aubergines, peppers, courgettes, oranges and plums. Oh – and some potatoes. I have no idea what I’m going to do with any of it but I’m thinking veggie traybake. I’m not sure I could handle anything more complicated. With a bit of chicken, perhaps.
Don’t ask me where this urge to consume vegetables has come from. It didn’t happen overnight – I’ve spent weeks peering at fruit and veg boxes. Actually, I do this a lot. I look at things for weeks before I buy them. Then I take the plunge to find they sold out weeks ago. Spontaneous I am not. The other thing I do – I also read diet books and feel incredibly virtuous afterwards – usually while munching my way through a Kit Kat. And then I read an exercise book and actually feel my muscles burn afterwards.
I once invented the most brilliant diet. I read somewhere that one pound in weight is equal to about three and a half thousand calories so all I had to do was not eat three and a half thousand calories and I’d lose a whole pound. Thinking this will be easy, I marched boldly down the chocolate aisle in Sainsburys, strenuously ignoring Mars Bars, Dairy Milk, Dark Milk, Galaxy, Lindor and so forth. At the end of the aisle my estimate was that I hadn’t consumed about twenty-eight thousand calories. Did I lose any weight? Did I buggery.
Obviously my healthy rising regime was kicked into touch once I’d unpacked this veggie cornucopia. I made myself a cup of tea and went straight back to bed again. Where I am now – deliberately not eating two boxes of Choccy Scoffy Truffles and thereby losing fabulous amounts of weight, darling!
In my defence I write best in bed and once I’ve done my daily two thousand words I’ll get up and do something veggie related. I’m thinking of making Markham a vegan. He could sit drinking green tea and tucking into white and wobbly tofu. Does anyone else think that tofu looks like midriff fat or is it just me? Anyway, the Markham vegan thing. What do you think?
He could really set the cat among the pigeons if he were one of the evangelisers of the “enlightened way”. Upsetting Mrs Mack on Wednesday’s toad in the hole night. Querying in the Blue Swan if the wine has been filtered by something from derived from fish. Refusing to go on any jump for more than 6 hours (maximum time between meal breaks) on the basis that any contemporary food may have animal associations. And generally being a right pain in the a*** to everyone.
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