I’ve just taken delivery of my first box of organic vegetables.

I’ve just taken delivery of my first box of organic vegetables. Seven twenty-five in the morning – so we can now add healthy early rising to healthy eating. There’s a bag of something green – could be anything – seaweed? Grass clippings? Triffids? Along with two corn things, aubergines, peppers, courgettes, oranges and plums. Oh – and some potatoes. I have no idea what I’m going to do with any of it but I’m thinking veggie traybake. I’m not sure I could handle anything more complicated. With a bit of chicken, perhaps. Don’t ask me where this urge to consume vegetables has come from. It didn’t happen overnight – I’ve spent weeks peering at fruit and veg boxes. Actually, I do this a lot. I look at things for weeks before I buy them. Then I take the plunge to find they sold out weeks ago. Spontaneous I am not. The other thing I do – I also read diet books and feel incredibly virtuous afterwards – usually while munching my way through a Kit Kat. And then I read an exercise book and actually feel my muscles burn afterwards. I once invented the most brilliant diet. I read somewhere that one pound in weight is equal to about three and a half thousand calories so all I had to do was not eat three and a half thousand calories and I’d lose a whole pound. Thinking this will be easy, I marched boldly down the chocolate aisle in Sainsburys, strenuously ignoring Mars Bars, Dairy Milk, Dark Milk, Galaxy, Lindor and so forth. At the end of the aisle my estimate was that I hadn’t consumed about twenty-eight thousand calories. Did I lose any weight? Did I buggery. Obviously my healthy rising regime was kicked into touch once I’d unpacked this veggie cornucopia. I made myself a cup of tea and went straight back to bed again. Where I am now – deliberately not eating two boxes of Choccy Scoffy Truffles and thereby losing fabulous amounts of weight, darling! In my defence I write best in bed and once I’ve done my daily two thousand words I’ll get up and do something veggie related. I’m thinking of making Markham a vegan. He could sit drinking green tea and tucking into white and wobbly tofu. Does anyone else think that tofu looks like midriff fat or is it just me? Anyway, the Markham vegan thing. What do you think?


  • Amy
    Markham as a vegan …. I can’t see it … I have 2 vegetarians amongst my brood and they are a pain to cook for, well one is, the one that won’t eat cheese, peas, beans, sweetcorn, ‘fake chicken’ etc …. He works in a branch of Pappas fisheries and as far as I can ascertain seems to survive on chocolate hoops cereal and chips …. As he works most evenings he’s not home for the evening meal so that does make it easier …. Astounds me that he manages a daily diet if chocolate hoops and chips and is still so thin if he stood sideways over a drain he’d fall through. I’m thinking all his spare mid rift bulk is osmosising onto me .. The other one is much more amenable and will eat most veggies apart from peppers and now she’s off to uni in 2 more sleeps ☹️☹️ my evening meal preparation will be so much easier! Please don’t make Markham a vegan, I couldn’t deal with the pain it would cause others x

  • David Waterhouse
    I think you need a soup maker.

  • Cathie Jones
    I bought into one of those veggie things. It arrived with 20 pounds of formerly cold things doing nothing but weighting down the box. The veggies, of course, were limp, dry, spongy and, in one case, moldy. I complained (nicely, of course) and they sent another box that was much the same, but with 50 pounds of cold things and 5 pounds of veggies. Not long after that they closed up shop. Just as well. I couldn’t afford to keep buying veggies that sat on the door step because I couldn’t lift the box. Anything Markham does is hilarious, so making him a vegan sounds like a lot of fun. For us, anyway, not sure it’ll be fun for Markham.

  • Barbara Negus
    Markham the vegan!?!

    He could really set the cat among the pigeons if he were one of the evangelisers of the “enlightened way”. Upsetting Mrs Mack on Wednesday’s toad in the hole night. Querying in the Blue Swan if the wine has been filtered by something from derived from fish. Refusing to go on any jump for more than 6 hours (maximum time between meal breaks) on the basis that any contemporary food may have animal associations. And generally being a right pain in the a*** to everyone.

  • Sue
    Lol , as my partner would say, “you have an array of cookbooks and what do you do, that’s right beans on toast for tea” Me “well it’s full of fibre 🙄. Don’t see Markham as a vegan and as for tofu….looks like what comes out when you unblock your sink….

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